


applying for the position of "Most Stressed Person Alive"

by rainbowblue13



Series: how did we get here? [11]
Category: Do No Harm (TV), Hamilton - Miranda, In the Heights - Miranda
Genre: F/M, Gen, Multi, Polyamory, Washingdad, actual job hunting, john kills everything he touches
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-06
Updated: 2017-05-06
Packaged: 2018-10-28 15:44:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,459
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10834326
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rainbowblue13/pseuds/rainbowblue13
Summary: damnilton: @ruBen10 hey, at least it can't be worse than today's interview!ruBen10: Don't jinx itOr, now Ruben has to find a job.





	applying for the position of "Most Stressed Person Alive"

**Author's Note:**

> More direct sequel to "an itemized list of reasons to hire me: please"  
> Trigger warnings in the end notes!
> 
> soRRY I DIDNT UPLOAD FOR A WHILE!! this is the last month of school so things have been kinda hectic, to say the least. im sorry if my uploading schedule turns into shit this month a aa a a h

 

**ruBen10:** Fuck my life

**damnilton:** what, what happened??

**ruBen10:** I just got back from the interview and it went like shit

**damnilton:**  interv

**damnilton:**  YOU WENT TO THE COLUMBIA INTERVIEW TODAY ?!

**damnilton:**  HOWD IT GO

**ruBen10:** Like shit

**ruBen10:** As previously stated

**damnilton:**  im sure it wasn't that bad

**ruBen10:** Halfway through I choked on my own spit and at the end I was rambling so badly that I mentioned I used to have a sex doll

**damnilton:**  uuuuh

**damnilton:**  @commonavi give ruben words of encouragement and/or comfort

**commonavi:** at least you have your health!

**ruBen10:** Jfc

**commonavi:** ... at least you have us??

**ruBen10:** I also have unemployment at the moment

**damnilton:**  theres other colleges, probably even closer to your apartment

**damnilton:**  dont give up now!!

**ruBen10:** I won't, I won't

**ruBen10:** It's just fucking embarassing

**commonavi:** I wouldn't call it your best moment

**ruBen10:** Can we talk about literally anything else right now

**commonavi:** you sure?

**ruBen10:** Yeah

**damnilton:**  john is insisting on getting a pet

**commonavi:** good or bad thing?

**damnilton:**  he once killed a cactus

**ruBen10:** H o w

**damnilton:**  microwave

**commonavi:** ??

**ruBen10:** That poor, innocent, defenseless plant

**damnilton:**  be more chill

**ruBen10:** FIGHT ME

**damnilton:**  YOU WANNA G   O

**commonavi:** PLEASE DO NOT FIGHT

**ruBen10:** Fiiiine

**ruBen10:** Just cause you asked

**commonavi:** t h a n k  y o u

**damnilton:**  @ruBen10 hey, at least it can't be worse than today's interview!

**ruBen10:** Don't jinx it

* * *

**commonavi:** how'd today's interview go? :D

**ruBen10:** Imagine the interview equivalent of Thomas Jefferson

**commonavi:** D:

**ruBen10:** Uuuuuuuuugh

**damnilton:**  want us to talk about other stuff??

**ruBen10:** P l e a s e

**damnilton:**  Maria is trying to keep him from getting an actual dog or cat, but we're trying to compromise

**commonavi:** aww you're all gonna get a pet

**ruBen10:** Why are you so domestic

**damnilton:**  I'm a married man, Ruben

**ruBen10:** Something you didn't tell us until after nearly a mONTH of knowing you

**damnilton:**  I'm also occasionally a clueless man.

**commonavi:** maybe i should get a pet. the apartment's kinda lonely

**damnilton:**  except when vanessa's there

**commonavi:** im????¿

**ruBen10:** Usnavi.exe has stopped working

**commonavi:** iN  O th ER   N e  WS Nina is doing good back in college!

**damnilton:**  the bi genius?

**commonavi:** esa mera

**damnilton:**  n i c e

**ruBen10:** What's she studying?

**commonavi:** PoliSci I think??

**damnilton:**  THAT'S WHERE IT'S AT

**ruBen10:** You study the same thing?

**damnilton:**  Yeah, I had PoliSci, Economics and Statistics

**commonavi:** i thought you graduated early??

**damnilton:**  i did

**ruBen10:** What the fuck Alexander

* * *

**damnilton:** today good??

**ruBen10:** nope

**damnilton:** talk abt other stuff?

**ruBen10:** yup

**damnilton:** usnavi's in some kind of mourning

**ruBen10:** ?? What happened?

**damnilton:** so we were chilling, walking down the heights and stuff

**damnilton:** but ss is with us cause Gwash felt overprotective today

**ruBen10:** Secret service?

**damnilton:** ye

**damnilton:** so usnavi was eating some sweet bread and stuff, no big

**damnilton:** and he offers me an empanada

**damnilton:** and one of the ss guys sees it as a fucking national threat

**damnilton:** so his natural instinct is to smack the empanada outta his hands and it clatters on the floor

**ruBen10:** Secret service: out

**ruBen10:** empanada: on the ground

**damnilton:** THAT'S AN OLD MEME

**damnilton:** the point is that usnavi was like gENUINELY UPSET he looked at the empanada in horrified silence

**damnilton:** so i turned to the guys and i was like "what the fuck kevin, there's not gonna be a nuke in a fucking pastry"

**ruBen10:** Fucking Kevin

**damnilton:** fuCK I N G  K   E   V  I  N

**damnilton:** we're on our way to get another one

**ruBen10:** That story was a rollercoaster

**ruBen10:** Definitely cheered me up lmao

**commonavi:** I'M GLAD MY SUFFERING IS ENTERTAINING YOU, R U B E N

**damnilton:** loool

* * *

**ruBen10:** If I wrote a letter to my past self, it'd say "Dear Ruben Marcado, today is not gonna be a good day. Today is gonna beat you up like a little bitch, and you'll cry. Life says a big 'fuck you' in advance. Sincerely, me."

**commonavi:** jesus

**damnilton:** what happened today?

**ruBen10:** Had a panic attack at the beginning of the interview

**commonavi:** oh no!!

**damnilton:** holy shit that sucks

**ruBen10:** Tell me about it

**ruBen10:** the guy just looked too much like /him/ so

**ruBen10:** Ugh

**damnilton:** is it over now?

**ruBen10:** Yeah

**damnilton:** im gonna go ahead and talk about other stuff to distract you, is that okay??

**ruBen10:** It's pretty much default, and I don't wanna dwell on the interview so

**damnilton:** we had john have a test on how to take care of a hamster by using a tamagotchi

**commonavi:** YO NICE

**commonavi:** NOSTALGIA

**damnilton:** we gave him three as a leeaway

**damnilton:** all three of them died

**ruBen10:** I think your boyfriend has a problem

**damnilton:** he's just too extra and gets carried away

**damnilton:** i'd be shit at taking care of pets honestly, i cant handle responsibility like that lmao

**commonavi:** you have a human child

**damnilton:** more, actually

**commonavi:** dUDE

**ruBen10:** WHY DON'T YOU TELL US THESE THINGS

**damnilton:** IT SLIPPED MY MIND

**ruBen10:** YOUR OTHER CHILDREN JUST "SLIPPED YOUR MIND"?

**damnilton:** I HAVEN'T SLEPT IN THREE DAYS

**commonavi:** W H Y

**damnilton:** WORK THINGS

**commonavi:** your wife wouldn't approve

**ruBen10:**  I don't think the president would approve, either

**damnilton:** HA! well, the president's not here, so

 

_G.Wash has joined the chat_

 

**damnilton:**  hwAT THE FUCK

**damnilton:**  YOURE LIKE THE BOOGEYMAN

**ruBen10:** DO N O T SWEAR IN FRONT OF THE PRESIDENT

**G.Wash:** @ruBen10 I'm used to it

**damnilton:**  i cant beLIEVE you're abusing your powers as president to hijack a text convo

**G.Wash:** Hamilton

**damnilton:**  uuuugh

**damnilton:**  Yes, sir?

**G.Wash:** Go to sleep

**G.Wash:** That's an order

**G.Wash:** Or I'll get Kevin to manhandle you to bed like last time

**damnilton:**  fINE you win this round, old man

**commonavi:** @damnilton isn't "old man" slang for "dad"?

**damnilton:**  N O

**damnilton:**  I AM JUST SAYING THAT HE IS OLD

**damnilton:**  AND A MALE

**G.Wash:** Alexander is very stubborn

**G.Wash:** He even felt it necessary to purchase a mug that says "Not ya son"

**ruBen10:** @damnilton Why are you so extra

**damnilton:**  BECAUSE HE INSISTS ON CALLING ME "SON" FOR SOME REASON

**G.Wash:** It is simply an affectionate term

**damnilton:** YOU'RE THE GODDAMN PRESIDENT STOP BEING AFFECTIONATE

**damnilton:**  G O O D N I G H T

**ruBen10:** It's... three in the afternoon...

**commonavi:** he literally sounds like an angsty emo teen

**ruBen10:** Lmao

**G.Wash:** That is an unfortunately accurate comparison

**ruBen10:** Oh uh

**ruBen10:** Hello, Mr. President!

**commonavi:** Hello, Mr. Potus! Pleasure to meet you!

**G.Wash:**  Hello

**G.Wash:** I have a question, if neither of you mind

**commonavi:** Of course, Mr. Potus!

**G.Wash:**  Which one of you was the one to pretend to be Alexander in a classified cabinet meeting?

**ruBen10:**  Um

**commonavi:** That would be me sir, and I am very very sorry for that situation, there were many circumstances around that...

**commonavi:** Please don't make me disappear...

**G.Wash:** I was going to say well done, considering I didn't notice much amiss aside the hair length. You'd make a fine politician

**commonavi:** IM

**commonavi:** I'm very honored sir! I'm better at making coffee, though.

**G.Wash:** Then you must make some damn good coffee

**G.Wash:** Please make sure Alexander gets sleep from time to time, I also have to take care of the rest of the country.

**ruBen10:** Of course, sir

 

_G.Wash has left the chat_

 

**commonavi:**  holy shit what

**ruBen10:** Did that just happen

**ruBen10:** D U D E

**commonavi:** THE MOTHER- EFFING PRESIDENT COMPLIMENTED MY CAFE

**ruBen10:** That's what stood out to you of from that entire conversation

**commonavi:** MY COFFEE!!!!! THE P R E SI D E N T !!!!!11!!

**ruBen10:** Hahaha yes, your coffee

**ruBen10:** Maybe one day Alex will bring him over to the bodega, hm?

**commonavi:** AAAAAAAAAH

* * *

**damnilton:**  i am al i v e

**ruBen10:** Welcome back to the realm of the living

**damnilton:** what ahppened while i ws d e ad

**ruBen10:** Gwash congratulated Navi on his debating skill and coffee, kind of

**ruBen10:** I can't believe I'm still calling the president "Gwash"

**ruBen10:** And I'm looking for new apartments

**damnilton:** 1) good, he deserves it

**damnilton:** 2) didn't u call him daddy once

**damnilton:** 3) why??

**ruBen10:** THAT WAS A JOKE AND SOMETHING WE WILL NEVER SPEAK OF

**ruBen10:** I don't have a job, it's time to make cuts

**ruBen10:** I'll miss hanging out with Vanessa but whatever

**damnilton:** need help?

**ruBen10:** Nah, not yet

**ruBen10:** How's the pet situation going

**damnilton:** John is mad at the three of us

**ruBen10:** For real?

**damnilton:** he keeps trying to prove he can take care of a pet by buying more and more tamagotchi

**damnilton:** none of them have made it

**ruBen10:**  When will the needless slaughter cease

**damnilton:** lmaooo

**commonavi:** HELLO YOU WONDERFUL PEOPLE

**ruBen10:** Still on a high from the president's comment?

**commonavi:** YES

**commonavi:** I HAVE TOLD THE ENTIRE BARRIO

**commonavi:** AND I'M GETTING THE SCREENSHOT FRAMED

**damnilton:** @ruBen10 he's like an overescited puppy

**commonavi:** DAMN RIGHT I AM!!

**ruBen10:** We wouldn't have you any other way

**damnilton:** hey @commonavi any free apartments in the heights?

**commonavi:** not that i know of, why?

**ruBen10:** Nothing, I'm just looking into new places

**commonavi:** you're moving out?

**ruBen10:** Yeah, I think I needed a change of scenery anyway

**ruBen10:** I'll look into it later, I gotta get ready for another interview. it's a community college this time

**ruBen10:** Later, guys

**damnilton:** byeeee

**commonavi:** yo, alex

**damnilton:** ?

**commonavi:** i have an idea

* * *

**damnilton:** @ruBen10 whenever u get out of the interview im waiting outside, figured i'd give u a ride

**damnilton:** im gonna be listening to Sia while i wait

**ruBen10:** ?? Okay

**ruBen10:** I won't be out for another half hour I think

**ruBen10:** We took a small break because the interviewer had to deal with something

**damnilton:** no prob

**damnilton:** how's the interview so far?

**ruBen10:** Not disastrous?? I haven't had a panic attack or choked on my spit yet so I'm counting it as a win

**damnilton:** point for home team!

**ruBen10:** Why'd you choose to give me a ride?

**damnilton:** no reason, wasn't busy today

**ruBen10:**  I still don't understand how you have so much free time when you work in the government

**damnilton:** i have my ways

**ruBen10:** Okay going back in see you in a bit

**damnilton:** good luck!!

* * *

**commonavi:** VANESSAAAAAA

**venensa:** que paso?

**commonavi:** espera

 

_commonavi has added sonnysideup, dispatchyo to the chat_

 

**sonnysideup:** sup

**commonavi:** alright so gather round

**dispatchyo** : This is a phone conversation

**commonavi:** metaphorically

**venensa:** what is it?

**commonavi:** how many of you can make it to my apartment in under half an hour?

**sonnysideup:** im in the same room as u

**dispatchyo:** And I'm in Los Angeles

**commonavi:** no you're not, Dani told me you came for surprise visit

**dispatchyo:** That's three days from now

**dispatchyo:** Also how did Daniela find out??

**sonnysideup:** dont question dani

**dispatchyo:** Fair enough

**venensa:** i can't sweetie, im sorry. busy with work

**venensa:** whats up tho?

**commonavi:** im getting a roomate (i hope) and i wanted to give him a warm welcome

**sonnysideup:**  wait what

**commonavi:** @venensa can Camila and Daniela come?

**venensa:** they say it's too far. also, really?

**commonavi:** probably should've planned this

**sonnysideup:**  @commonavi DUDE

**dispatchyo:** You're in the same room, why don't you just speak up...?

**sonnysideup:**  left to get refreshments

**sonnysideup:**  @commonavi WHY DIDNT U TELL ME WE'RE GETTIN A ROOMIE?

**commonavi:** uh

**commonavi:** last minute choice

**sonnysideup:**  where's he gon sleep??

**commonavi:** i was thinkin he'd take my room and i'd go to abuela's

**dispatchyo:** More importantly, WHO'S moving into the barrio?

**commonavi:** oh shit i just realized i haven't told you about him yet

**commonavi:** im surprised Dani hasn't gotten the news over to you

**venensa:** i don't think she knows??

**dispatchyo:** Daniela not knowing something?? What is this???

**sonnysideup:**  wait @commonavi is it Ruben?

**commonavi:** yeah

**venensa:** he's moving out??

**commonavi:** yup

**dispatchyo:** What is happening

**commonavi:** Ruben's a friend of mine, I met him a bit over a month ago

**dispatchyo:** And you're already asking him to move in??

**sonnysideup:**  benny i agree w/ u but theres circumstances

**venensa:** aww, im gonna miss seeing him in the hallway and chilling

**dispatchyo:** WHAT circumstances??

 

_commonavi has sent a photo_

 

**venensa:** the two of you look adorable side to side

**sonnysideup:** they look the same, nessa

**venensa:** and im dating one of them, why are you surprised

**dispatchyo:** WHAT

**commonavi:** he's my doppelganger i guess?

**dispatchyo:** HOW DID YOU NOT TELL ME

**commonavi:** IT SLIPPED MY MIND

**commonavi:** oooh i see where Alex is coming from now

**commonavi:** POINT IS

**commonavi:** he's moving in, at least for a while

**commonavi:** if he accepts

**venensa:** you mean he doesnt KNOW?

**commonavi:** ..... talvez

**dispatchyo:** @venensa you were supposed to take care of him when i left

**venensa:** I LEFT TOO

**dispatchyo:** @sonnysideup

**venensa:** @sonnysideup

**sonnysideup:** HES SUPPOSED TO BE THE ADULT HERE

**dispatchyo:** "supposed"

**commonavi:** @sonnysideup shut up and help me set the table

* * *

**bestofliza:** Hey guys, what are you up to?

**saynotome:** watching john be a sourpuss

**saynotome:** he's refusing to answer you on here lol

**bestofliza:** Tell him i dare him to get in the chat and talk

**turtlens:** damn you for knowing my weaknesses

**damnilton:** we all do tbh

**bestofliza:** Alexandeeer!

**damnilton:** My Betsey  <3

**damnilton:** and hello Maria darling~

**saynotome:** hiii

**damnilton:** @turtlens my laurens, are u still mad?

**turtlens:** yes

**damnilton:** laurensss

**turtlens:** I JUST WANT A PET

**bestofliza:** We can get you another tamagotchi

**turtlens:** THOSE DIE

**saynotome:** and real life pets are immortal??

**bestofliza:** @damnilton how'd last night go

**damnilton:** great!! we surprised ruben at navi's apartment with sonny, and we all got emo and kinda teared up

**saynotome:** awww

**turtlens:** ew

**damnilton:** sonny took a pic too

 

_damnilton has sent a photo_

 

**turtlens:** damn you for being adorable and having two equally adorable clones

**saynotome:** why are you damning everyone

**turtlens:** damn you for calling me out

**damnilton:** hahaha

**damnilton:** so yeah, ruben is gonna move in with the De la Vegas

**damnilton:** and he got the job!

**bestofliza:** That's great!

**turtlens:** tell him we said congrats !!

**saynotome:** ^^

**turtlens:** it's gotta be crowded with three people though right?

**damnilton:** it's supposed to be temporary

**damnilton:** also technically four

**saynotome:** what??

**damnilton:** oH YEAH

**damnilton:** @turtlens ur gonna wanna visit them sometime

**turtlens:** why??

**damnilton:** they got a pet turtle

**bestofliza:** Get ready for john to fucking die

**turtlens:** AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH

**saynotome:** he seems a bit excited

**damnilton:** he has enough energy to fire a nuke, honestly

**Author's Note:**

> TRIGGER WARNING FOR: brief panic attack mention, doesn't go into detail
> 
> AGAIN IM SORRY FOR THE DELAY!! it's hard to keep up with things ;-;  
> the "Not ya son" coffee cup idea is courtsey of galaghiel on tumblr, who ACTUALLY DREW [FANART](https://galaghiel.tumblr.com/post/160287535101/marianara-sauce-first-to-fics/embed) OF THIS FIC BY THE WAY!! it's beautiful i cannot believe  
> i do things on my [tumblr](http://marianara-sauce.tumblr.com/) sometimes


End file.
